Wait for me, naani.

I know you’ll be waiting for me

At the other end of this world.

I'll meet you there.

Relieved from absolute pain

Will you be standing still?

Calm and patient

Opening your arms wide

For me?

I search for you

In my dreams

I run after you

But everytime I am lost

Into the dreariness

Of hollow thoughts.

And in the end I return empty handed

With neither you nor myself.

You might be for searching me too?

Is there no power in my search?

Are my thoughts redundant?

No power is greater than the supreme power.

True.

What a hypocrisy!

What use is his supreme power to mankind

If it cannot get back loved ones?

I wonder.

I wonder helplessly.

O’ vastness of this space

You are shorter than my thoughts.

And o’ supreme power

Someday I wish

The power of love equalizes you

At the other end of this world.

My peace of mind !

It was here

Until few days

Where is it now?

My peace of mind.

I search for it.

In cupboards,

Behind doors,

If it is playing hide and seek.

I search for it.

On the pillows

In case it poured out with the tears.

Under the pillow

Where my secret diaries lie.

Yet in vain, I search.

I uncover the bed covers

If it has slept with my sleep

I might find it there.

In the wind that stealthily enters the sides of window panes,

And peeps into my room in the middle of the night,

When the world sleeps

And I am awake still searching,

Makes me skeptical

It might have eloped with the blue winds!

Finding that I may not prove to be a good caretaker.

The wind chime tries it best to warn me whenever this breeze arrives

But I too engaged

Fail to decipher the music.

Yes.music.

What if it lies with Beethoven

Composing new melodies?

I rummaged around all CD’s that carried

My childhood beats

My first love songs

But It isn’t there too.

I followed the butterfly.

Out of the garden it flew,

In the dreary roads

Lined by naked trees

With leaves at their feet

I search there ebony barks

But they are as dry as refusals!

It is not there.

What if it lay dumped with my old bicycle

So I hunt like a kabbadiwala!

Searching for some junk,

In the backyard

Maybe it too has dusted away its soul

Like all old pieces there.

Where is my peace of mind!

To my old library I rush.

Books might have intrigued it to run

Away to serene and naïve lands

From my bedtime novels!

A Silverfish  looking at my desperateness

Quietly whispers to me

It isn’t here, that what you are searching for!

I still search for it.

In Endless wait.

With Hollow eyes.

And Empty heart!

I am sorry.

I shout

I cry

I throw things away

I break them away

And even hearts

I do not hear

I do not want to

I am rigid

I am angry

I am a big pessimist

I’ve hurt people

I have spoiled  relations

I sulk

But out of the pillow

When I take out my buried face

In my dead red eyes

If you ever see

If you ever want to see

Is pure love for you.

When I shouted

I wanted you to be soft

When I said I hate you

I wanted you to love me instead

At all times

I said I don’t want to listen anything

I wanted you to understand me first

At all times

I told you not to talk to me

I wanted you to hug  me tightly.

Leave me alone

Had always meant don’t let go of me!

Ever

Every time I said u ignore me

I needed you the most

I am sorry

I cannot say everything

My heart sinks when I write this

My hands shake

But to all those I have hurt

I want to say sorry

I am inexpressive.

I am not perfect.

But I love you.

And I cannot afford to lose you.